i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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