Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
