this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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