He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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