There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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