Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
