Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
