I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm having to shit out rocks
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
