next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
