do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
