I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You took a bar mat shot.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
