I just cut my nipple shaving
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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