my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
