I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize