I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
