I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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