Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
