Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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