I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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