She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
