first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
