I want to make a zoo with you.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
