i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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