I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
