I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
