i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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