Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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