my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She needs sedatives and a leash
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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