Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
