Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
