guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
