I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
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There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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