Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
