I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
