Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
