Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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