ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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