The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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