You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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