Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
