Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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