There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
