im drinking this country out of the recession.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
