Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
