how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
