Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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