I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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