I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize