every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
