chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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