I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
