If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
