if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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