Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
