i just google imaged poop.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
