Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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