he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
