very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
