Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
