Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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