see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Panties = found
Randomize
