My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
