hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
