i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
