There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
