Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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