just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
