Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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